Your children won’t tell you this, but they need you to probe their inner life from time to time to find out what they are thinking and feeling. This not only helps them and you better understand their feelings but also strengthens your relationship with them. They will intuitively feel that you understand them better because you put in the time and energy to really care. Here are Tips for Effective Communication to help you fine-tune in times your child needs your full attention. Now, let’s Travelsyear.com read the below post to know more.
Try to see the situation through your child’s eyes
Tips for Effective Communication: Try to step into your child’s frame of reference before reacting. We often expect our children to understand adult-like ways of thinking and we don’t give consideration to how they might be thinking or viewing the situation. What developmental needs might they have at that moment that they can’t directly identify or ask for? For example, as you and your spouse are leaving the house for a much-needed night out, your child has an emotional meltdown in front of the babysitter because they don’t want you to leave. You could get upset, ignore your child’s behavior, or you could ask yourself: What is your child trying to say right now; what need might they have that I should be attentive to? For example, is their upset behavior a plea for comfort, security, reassurance, or something else that you don’t understand? When you can see that certain behaviors are connected to their developmental needs, it is easier to be rational and patient with appropriate intervention.
Avoid shaming your child; rather focus on behavior
Shaming a child diminishes their worth. For example, a 10-year-old boy knocks over his milk at dinner for the third time this week and his father explodes in anger saying, “You idiot, can’t you be more careful?” Over time, these instances of shame make the child feel defective. A better approach is to focus on the behavior. Given the same situation, the father could say, “It’s okay. Let’s get a towel to clean it up; it’s just a mistake. Please ask for others to pass items to you at the table instead of reaching, okay?” A child doesn’t know how to correct being defective but he can learn to correct his behavior if given instruction in a supportive and encouraging way.
Use more “dos” than “don’ts”
Some kids hear a lot of “don’ts.” Often parents know what they don’t want to happen, so they lead in with a “don’t” statement. The downside of “don’t” statements is that they fail to promote the positive behavior you want to see. If anything, they reinforce the behavior you don’t want.
Imagining talking to your child as you talk to your friends can help break the “don’t” habit. We would rarely say “don’t do this, don’t do that” to our friends when they come to visit. We instead use more open and respectful suggestions. Swapping our “don’ts” for “dos” can look like this:
- “Don’t go outside, it’s cold,” becomes, “Stay inside, please. It’s too cold to play outside.”
- “Don’t hit your brother,” becomes, “Play gently with your brother.”
- “Don’t color on the carpet,” becomes, “Please do your coloring on the table.”
Make requests important with your child
Asking if a child would like to do something but being vague in your request is a recipe for your kid ignoring you. In order to make sure your requests are heeded, you must first ensure you have your child’s attention. Then speak with firmness to show that you mean what you say, and give the child a reason why he must do this thing at this particular time.
If your child is engaged in play, it can be hard to shift his attention to you, so either pick a different time or know that you’ll have to put in the work to engage your child’s attention first in order for your request to be successful.
A successful request would look like this: “James, I need you to pack away your toys on the table now, please. It’s important because there is no space to eat on the table.” It will work better than, “Can you pack away your toys? I’ve already asked you twice!”